lsquoHow I got on top of my emotional eatingrsquo

Video above: Sam Ikin, not the author of the below story, was relieved to know his overeating was the result of mental ill health rather than just due to a lack of control. Watch Insight's ep. Emotional Eating here.

Both of my parents had their own problems to deal with when I was growing up. Alcohol, disabilities, domestic violence and poverty. At 10, my dad and I experienced a terrifying road rage incident. There were no seatbelts in those days. I was hospitalised for two months, both my legs were broken (one in traction) and all my top front teeth were knocked out.

I settled into a routine in the hospital, watching the other kids come, and go. I was a little overweight, so the hospital decided to put me on a calorie-controlled diet. The food tasted like cardboard. Someone got me a copy of the pocket calorie counter by Allan Borushek. I became a walking encyclopedia of how many calories any type of food had, and my food obsession was born.

I’d eat what I wanted and then spit it out. I tried to learn how to throw up, but I couldn’t get the hang of it.

At 12 , I moved in with mum, who had gone blind after botched cataract operations. She put me on a diet when I got there. I went from a slightly chubby 12-year-old to a skinny 13-year-old. I was so happy with my figure - it was a dream.

To maintain my figure I would chop up a Mars bar into 10 pieces and have one piece a day.

Over the next 40 years I tried every diet, every exercise regime I could, to control my weight. I took up smoking, popped speed (prescription and illicit), did no-carb diets; protein diets; percentage of this and that diets. I became an athlete for a while. I did a very physical and totally exhausting 13 hour-a-day job which kept me trim for seven years!

How could I be this successful person and be so fat?

If I was successful in losing the weight, I would invariably put it back on with a little more weight. In retrospect, that worked out to be an additional 54kg. I had the usual dramas a 40-year-old has and I lost all hope. How could I be this successful person and be so fat?

I was contemplating another diet as I lay on the couch sick with the flu - something about the futility of it all made me look for something else. I found a group called Overeaters Anonymous (OA) on the internet. The website resonated with me, people’s stories were amazing nuggets of confirmation and hope. I found a group in the city and six months later I went.

I was very afraid to go. Once there, everyone ‘shared’ their story. I was agape at the similarities to my life.

People were so kind, much kinder to me than I was to myself, and the stories kept packing a punch. I knew I was in the right place. My weight stabilised and then started to drop. Still, I didn’t focus on the food. I’ve learned so much from the steps, I had no idea I was able to turn things around like that.

"I started to understand that my food issue was more of a widespread life issue. I'd used food to try to treat all my problems and it hadn't worked."

Insight

I learned to be deeply honest about how my behaviour had hurt others and sought to make amends where possible. Whilst this was scary it totally undermined my self-loathing - that I didn't even know I had- because I'd been covering it up with my ego.

Turns out, I'm just like everyone else after all. I'd always felt so different and this was very isolating. I started to understand that my food issue was more of a widespread life issue. I'd used food to try to treat all my problems and it hadn't worked. It never occurred to me that my way of thinking might be why I had the problems in the first place. I worked the program and life started to improve noticeably. I was becoming a better person, a happier person.

I lent on my program more and more and started to trust life and the things that happened. I stopped controlling everything and life soon became incredibly easy - stress started to lift.

While it’s not for everyone, for me, it’s given me hope. My behaviours have changed so much. I had no idea I could do it, but it had nothing to do with dieting. It just worked. I now realise the damage I have done to my mind and body and I am healing step by step, day by day.

Insight has no affiliation to Overeaters Anonymous. It's recommended you consult a GP about what a healthy weight, diet and lifestyle looks like for you.

Share this post